Confession: I'm Tired of Trying to Do Good...In The Church...Already (Galatians 6:9-10)

Hello faithful "Reflections..." readers!  Of course it goes without saying, but I'll say it again, it seems like a mighty long time since I've written.

I've been in both good and bad spirit since the end of last week and the beginning of this week.  But, God is good, I'm alive, and my spirit was so refreshed and renewed this morning that I felt like reflecting, so here I am.

I don't think that I've shared with you all why I stopped attending church for so long, so I'll take the time to let you in on the story.  First, I grew up in the church...EVERY SUNDAY, Thursday choir rehearsal, and Saturday "Youth on Fire".  I loved it.  But, something happened along the way, somewhere around the age of 16.  I'll give you a sec to do the math...YES, it has been FIFTEEN years since I actually belonged to and have gone to church regularly.  Anywho...I stopped going for very specific reasons. I AM NOT SAYING I WAS RIGHT, I'm just telling y'all my story.   Those reasons varied, most of them had to do with the church politics, people, and the biggest one was that I felt that I had just outgrown the church, I wasn't being fed.  And that's not to say it was a bad church, it's actually an awesome church, just wasn't for me anymore.  So, instead of looking for another church home, I was a "religious non-church goer".

Fast forward to today.  I'm back in the church, ready to join ministries, thirsty for and maturing in the word...all that things that I had hoped for in a church.  I'm a helpful person by nature.  So when I joined this church (or even BEFORE I joined) I was already volunteering myself to help out in different ministries.  Suddenly, things started looking too familiar. 

Egotistical, territorial, "what you think you doin'?, "what is your REAL motive o_0?", (among many other) spirits ALL OVER THE PLACE!  Let me tell you, trying to work with church folks has GOT TO BE SOME OF THE HARDEST WORK YOU COULD EVER SIGN UP FOR! Yes, I'm...TALKIN' 'BOUT THE CHURCH FOLKS, and I AIN'T SHAME!

When you are doing work in the church, you should NOT feel like this:

As some of you may or may not know, I will walk away from something in a minute.  It does not take me long to make a decision to retreat or stay at ALL! Fight or flight?...FLIGHT...I'M GONE!  However, I know that I'm growing spiritually, because I have not, and do not intend on walking away, by choice or by force.

So, this morning, I prayed and got still.  Suddenly the Spirit said, "Let not your heart be weary".  I jumped up, and immediately found where it says that in the Bible. FOUND IT: Galatians 6:9-10.  And I'll be darned if it is not referring to doing good things for people of faith.  I like both the NKJ and Amplified versions.  Here it is:

Galatians 6:9-10 

King James Version:



⁹ And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Amplified Version:

⁹And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.

    ¹⁰So then, as occasion and opportunity open up to us, let us do good [morally] to all people [not only being useful or profitable to them, but also doing what is for their spiritual good and advantage]. Be mindful to be a blessing, especially to those of the household of faith [those who belong to God's family with you, the believers].

Now that I can honestly admit that the "church folks" is essentially one of the top reasons why I stopped attending, I must stay prayed up in my spirit to not let that happen again.  Just a little reminder: As I type this, even as I prayed this morning the Devil is/was certainly close, watching and listening, and planning an attack.  But I can always ONE UP him if I remain in prayer and in the word, he will certainly be REBUKED!

It all makes sense.  SELF CHECK/REFLECTION:  I am working on behalf of and through the Trinity, not the people in the church.  Not to gain favor in man, but to gain favor in the Lord.  Not to reap any blessings from them, but to be blessed in due season by the Lord.  Therefore, just as the scripture has told me, I CANNOT become relaxed in my courage to even step up and do works in the church, and be a blessing to any person or ministry as a whole.  With that said, I will continue to volunteer myself or accept requests for help within the church...or boldly deny the ones that I simply may not be able to do.  I will not lose heart and grow weary while doing good.  For in due season I WILL reap...

IF I DO NOT LOSE HEART!...pray for me

 

Be Content While You Wait for Your Blessing (1 Timothy 6:6-12)

Once again, it has been less than a week since I have posted, and yet it feels like I haven't "reflected" in weeks.  Trust me, just within this short 7 days ago, I have been reflecting like you will not believe!  There's lots to post about, but I'll start with what has been resting with me for the last past few days.

When I pray, I make sure that I thank God for EVERYTHING He has truly blessed me with...right after I have asked for forgiveness and prayed for my friends and family, and before I lift myself up and bring my own prayer requests before the Lord.  It seems like the perfect location.  So, I have a few things that I have been praying for lately, at the top of the list right now is completing the process of owning a home.  I ask God to please have HIS hand on the process, and let HIS will be done...even if that means this is not the year for me to purchase a home.

A few days ago, as I prayed, I asked God to lead me to what I should be focusing on through this process, and all of the other "desires of my heart" that I have put before Him.  Sure enough, I open up my trusted anointed "Woman Thou Art Loosed" Bible (that would be the one that look like it has survived a few natural disasters ...if you don't have one yet, YOU WILL) and sure enough the first thing I ran across was an article about being content that was attached to 1 Timothy 6. 

Now, there were SO MANY things that I will definitely come back and post about from this chapter of Timothy, one of which being the first four verses that speaks about not being disrespectful to those in leadership positions. 

***Let us pause for a "GOD IS WORKING ON ME" MOMENT***:

I have had an authoritative complex since I was a child, and it is not good.  It did, and has continued to get me into trouble both knowingly and unknowingly.  It's not that I am disrespectful to leaders, or do not like to take direction...it's the whole "pull rank" aspect that I have ALWAYS had a problem with.  I know this is something that I need to pray and work on, and something that could definitely block blessings that are mine to have.  Help me lawd!

***We now return to the scheduled post...pray for me***   

Anywho...CONTENTMENT!  1 Timothy 6:6-12 (Amplified version) reads:

⁶[And it is, indeed, a source of immense profit, for] godliness accompanied with contentment (that contentment which is a sense of ^[d]inward sufficiency) is great and abundant gain.

    ⁷For we brought nothing into the world, and obviously we cannot take anything out of the world;

    ⁸But if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content (satisfied).

    ⁹But those who crave to be rich fall into temptation and a snare and into many foolish (useless, godless) and hurtful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction and miserable perishing.

    ¹⁰For the love of money is a root of all evils; it is through this craving that some have been led astray and have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves through with many ^[e]acute [mental] pangs.

    ¹¹But as for you, O man of God, flee from all these things; aim at and pursue righteousness (right standing with God and true goodness), godliness (which is the loving fear of God and being Christlike), faith, love, steadfastness (patience), and gentleness of heart.

    ¹²Fight the good fight of the faith; lay hold of the eternal life to which you were summoned and [for which] you confessed the good confession [of faith] before many witnesses.

I sat there, and I meditated on this.  Suddenly, I realized, I have been thanking God for what He has blessed me with, but I have NOT been showing that I am CONTENT with what he has blessed me with.  Am I content?  Well, sure I am.  Do I ACT  LIKE I'M CONTENT?...YES!  That is EXACTLY what I do...I "ACT" like I am content.  There is ALWAYS a "but". "Lord...thank you for me having a place to stay...but (it's too small, I need a second bedroom, and quiet neighbors)";  "Lord...thank you for having a job...but (I am so ready to move on, and get  a better salary, and be in a leadership position)"; Lord...thank you for clothes on my back...but (dang, I sure would like to have those Donna Karen slacks I saw at Macy's".  And although these BUT is not said out loud, it is sure in the depths of my heart...and He sees that better than He sees ANYTHING.  And He is certainly saying "If you don't get your BUT out of here!!"  And it make sense for Him to say so.  Think about this: Once you say "but" in ANY sentence, it negates whatever you said before that "but".  So, whatever you said before  but, no longer matters, you may as well have not even said it! (Go ahead...I'll give you a moment to test it out...)

No big epiphany, just a simple conclusion after reflecting.  I simply need to START ACTUALLY BEING, NOT "ACTING" like I am CONTENT.  I need to sit myself down somewhere and be content with my one bedroom apartment and my noisy neighbors, my job that I have definitely learned so many things on, and my clothes that at least fit and are presentable!

So, right now, God is simply saying to me,

"MaNesha, your blessings and the desire of your hear will come in due time.  Meanwhile, why don't you just be content with what you have?  Love on that coffee table that look like you have three kids and it's only you... go home and twist the door knob to your apartment that you loved when you first moved in (now all of a sudden it's TOO SMALL o_0) and fall in love with it again.  And when you look around, I would have blessed you with that two bedroom condo that you want because you have shown me that you appreciate and are content with WHATEVER I bless you with...because I HAVE BLESSED YOU!  And another thang...you got some things that you could be working on.  You see verses 11-12? Have you been aiming at righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, and gentleness of heart?  And let us NOT EVEN talk about your faith! The last thing you should be "buting" about are material things, get that SPIRIT right!" 

And so it is Lord.  I will certainly start working on being content with the things that You have blessed me with, NO "BUTS" about it!

That's all folks! 
Be content and you will surely be blessed!  HE said it, NOT ME!